Reflecting on the season

The end of the cycling season has come for many of us.  Some are transitioning and ramping up for cyclo-cross season, while others are already thinking about off season training, base work, etc.

I rode my last race of the season over two weeks ago, stuck my bike in the garage with the wheels off and it has sat there ever since.  I’ve always sort of been like that.  When I was much younger I would not touch the bike for three months then hit it at about the Christmas holidays.  Now, in my mid forties I really can’t afford to do that and let all of my fitness go away.  But I find other things to do that benefit me physically without being on the bike.  Hiking, yoga and actually retreating away from the cycling world are very healthy things for me.

Me and Izy at the Tennessee Mt. Hut above Eldora

This past weekend on a camping trip I went up a day early to set up camp before friends and my family would arrive.  As I waited for them I spent a lot of time walking with my dog, Izy.  As I allowed myself to slow down, I let Izy take the lead on our walk.  It involved a lot of stopping, sniffing, squatting and then moving on to do it all over again after about twenty yards.  How very different this is from the world of riding and racing a bike.  Even at the “weekend warrior” level if we get the chance to do a longer ride on a weekend we are rushing home afterwards due to family obligations.  For me, many of the races I participate in are dictated by my family’s schedule, not the other way around.  So it frequently involves rushing to a race in order to make it home for a commitment or speeding off to a race after a soccer game.

So away I go, chasing my tail and when the season is over I finally say, ENOUGH!

As the season is over and we reflect on the previous months it is easy to look at the original goals and determine whether it was successful or not.  However, there are areas that I like to look at to determine how my riding fits in with the rest of my life.

How does my life feel in general?   How do I feel about my job and work?  Am I excited for it, feeling creative as I work with people or am I just going through the motions?  How do I feel about my relationship with Pam, my wife?  Pam continues to come to bike races and cheer me on which baffles me.  Going to the US Pro Challenge is one thing, but she actually likes going to local ACA races.  However, quite often I don’t always put forth the same effort into the things that she is interested in due to riding and racing.  Hmm…that is something that I’ll need to reconcile in the coming weeks and months.  The same goes with my relationship with my son and friends.  Now is a great time to put some effort into these things that might have been put on the back burner because of so much focus on self/riding.  That is probably the one thing I struggle with when it comes to racing a bicycle.  It involves a little more selfishness than I am comfortable with, especially at my age.

Which brings me around to reflect on the reason that I do this; does pinning on a number, racing my bike and competing and winning bring a lot of fulfillment?  For me, it really doesn’t.  I love to compete and when I’m fortunate to have a good result the feeling of jubilation lasts for about ten or twenty minutes.  However, if I don’t race, I won’t ride on a regular basis and a history of clinical depression has shown me that if I’m not riding, then life gets pretty ugly for me and the people in my world.  So, for me, the riding is more medication than anything else.  I’m just a happier human being if I do it.  However, I’m not a whole lot different from many people in that I could be a couch potato as well.

I think that as athletes at a more “seasoned” age it is good to think about why we ride, train, race and compete.  There is a bigger picture here than just riding our bikes.  It is so much of who we are but if it were to go away would there be a huge void that could not be filled?  If so, I think that represents a potential problem.  For many of us, cycling takes way too much precedence in our lives.  We could all stand to be a lot less serious about the sport and just have a lot more fun.  There are many things to be ultra serious about; family, friends, poverty, famine and orphans are just a few.  I realized a long time ago that what I do on the bike does not determine my self-worth.  But I’d be lying if I said that this in and of itself is not a constant struggle.  My biggest challenge, like many of us, is in finding the balance where true joy and happiness exist.  And just when I think I’ve achieved that balance, all too often, I begin to fall over, have to reassess things and then find the balance all over again.  It’s pretty much like riding a bike.